The Fat Man Eluded Me

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the home,

Not a Nathan was stirring, I was all alone;

The news-van in my yard, the dogs all asleep
I stayed up late hoping to catch a peek;

The wife and the parents all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nathan unwrapping gifts danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, what's a kerchief anyways?,
I was counting down the rest of the winter days,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my machete to see what was the matter.

Away to the porch did I run,
Thinking to myself this ought to be fun.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
We live in North Carolina...the green grass needs mowed,

When, what to my alcohol induced coma should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a fat old man and reindeer on my roof,

I hoped he was insured, with my weak roof he'd fall through.

Now this is getting long and there is football on TV,

Let's just say the invader in red got away from me.

He'll return next year, and i'll be here too,

Waiting with a gun this time, or maybe two!